


the wind will carry us

by downtothewire



Category: Marvel, Runaways (Comics), Runaways (TV 2017)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, F/F, well kind of it's a twist on the soulmates au trope
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-10
Updated: 2019-04-09
Packaged: 2019-11-15 01:02:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 12,889
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18063584
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/downtothewire/pseuds/downtothewire
Summary: No matter how much Nico tries to change it, no matter what she does, she'll have to accept it: Karolina is not her soulmate.OR A TWIST ON THE SOULMATE AU





	1. Chapter 1

It was the same old story you might have heard one time or another. Everyone got their soulmate mark when they turned eighteen. Back then Nico was sure of who her soulmate was. She was just waiting for them to get their soulmark too so she could finally let her feelings be known.

Nico was older, so she got hers first - a small black rose resting on her hip. The soulmarks were always somewhere personal, or as the bullshit religious Gibborim propaganda on television taught them: somewhere meant for only their soulmate to see. She pretended not to care as she watched each second of the clock tick by as if they lasted a minute, heavy on her shoulders.

"Are you nervous?" she asked.

"No," Karolina answered, "I know everything will be fine."

Nico wrung her hands together nervously. How could Karolina be so sure? Karolina had insisted it only be them tonight, and Nico took that as a positive sign. A sign that maybe her long buried feelings for Karolina could be reciprocated.

"How can you be so sure?"

"Because I know who my soulmate is."

Then Nico's initial glimmer of hope grew exponentially. Why would Karolina want her here alone if she didn't think it was her? The ever growing wish Nico had that maybe in some parallel bizarre world she had a chance seemed possible now, and all she had to do was wait for the clock to strike midnight, and this could all finally be put to rest. Karolina was her soulmate, there was no way she could not be.

When the clock struck midnight, Karolina's face scrunched in pain, her hands flying to the side of her hip. A good sign, the mark was already in the same spot as Nico's. She watched until Karolina stopped groaning, a thumb running comforting circles on her shoulder.

"I think it's done," Karolina said after a minute.

"You sure?" Nico asked, now a bit worried, because hers took longer.

Karolina nodded.

"Well, go ahead. Go take a look at it."

"I want you to look first," Karolina told her, their eyes not meeting as Karolina stared at her hands with a shy gaze.

"Okay," Nico said, and the shakiness of her voice betrayed how nervous she actually was at that moment.

Nico reached for the side of Karolina's shirt grabbing the bottom edge. She lifted it slowly, trying to echo every second of this moment in her brain for posterity. This was the moment Karolina became her soulmate.

There etched in black, on the side of Karolina's hip, was a bird. A small bird. Nico couldn't quite identify it.

Her heart plummeted into the depths of her stomach, as she looked the drawing over several times. It hurt even more when she looked up, and saw Karolina beaming at her, only to have her face drop as she read Nico's expression.

"What is it?" Karolina asked, her tone morose.

"It's a bird."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

From then on Nico knew that Karolina wasn't her soulmate.

She wasn't destined to spend the rest of her life with Karolina. This wasn't going to be the big revelation moment she had planned out in her head, it was actually the worst moment of her life.

"Nico..." Karolina tried to reach for her, but Nico pulled away.

"I have to go," she announced, jumping off the bed. She tried her hardest to fight the tears that were threatening to spill over her cheeks. She ran out of Karolina's room, accidentally slamming the door on her way out.

They drifted slowly apart after that.

See, if anyone had asked Nico two years before if she believed the soulmate marks were definitive, she would've said no. Her parents weren't soulmates. They were married, and in love, and weren't soulmates. So what did it matter if you had the same mark on your body as the person you planned on spending the rest of your life with?

But then, her parents divorced, and both explicitly told Nico never to marry someone who wasn't her soulmate. Seeing all the pain both went through, Nico decided to listen, she would never give her heart away until she met her soulmate. She didn't even have anyone to share the pain of this realization with, ever since Amy-

She was quick to give her heart to Karolina, because she was sure they were soulmates. She didn't think acting on it before she was sure it was worth it, however. She gave half her heart and was ready to give her the rest when she knew. If she waited for Karolina to get her soulmark, she would see it, the proof plain as day, and they would have the rest of their lives together anyway. So, she could wait.

That night, however, as she looked at the bird on Karolina's skin, she took half her heart back as fast as she gave it away.

So now Nico's just waiting for her soulmate to come around, she's been waiting for twenty-eight years, and while she waits, there are no rules that say she can't have fun.

Her mother has since found her soulmate, Janet Stein, of all people. Their soulmarks matched, and therefore their souls did too.

She still needs to remind herself sometimes in the morning that her soulmate isn't Karolina. That there is no possibility of it ever being Karolina. Karolina had long since found her other half with a person with the same soulmark as her. She found her soulmate, and Nico needs to find hers too. Still, she thinks of her.

Specially on mornings like this one, when Nico wakes up in some cold bed with a stranger, she thinks of her.

The one from last night was a man she met at a random bar. She immediately knew from their conversation he wasn't it, but she decided to test it out anyway. By only removing his shirt, Nico could see the snake etched on the side of his torso. She sighed in disappointment, and pretended to be too tired to do anything else. She laid in his bed as the stranger's cold embrace wrapped around her, she tried not to think about it as she closed her eyes, hoping her exhaustion was enough to make her fall asleep that night.

The man who she can't remember if she even ever asked his name is showering so Nico takes this as her queue to leave. She's gathered her things, put on her jeans, and is about to walk out unnoticed, when the door to the connecting bathroom swings open.

"Going anywhere?" The man asks, drying his hair with a small towel, and a larger towel wrapped around his waist. Nico wishes she was anywhere but here right now.

"Yeah, um, I have something to attend to, um..." she trails off trying to see if her brain can come up with a name.

"Victor," he supplies.

"Okay, yeah. Good to know. I'm gonna head out now," she says as she gestures awkwardly to the door, ready to make her escape.

"Don't let me stop you, Nico."

"How did you-"

But before she can ask how he knew her name, he answers, "You told me last night. Plus, I'm a friend of Chase's. Well, friend is an exaggeration. I'm pretty sure he doesn't like me all that much. We work together."

"Oh," is all Nico can come up with. Great, a friend of Chase's. She really wishes her mortification would take her right now. Just end her misery.

"I'm gonna go..." she says as she slowly tiptoes to the door, hoping not to be too obvious about how much she wants to leave.

"Yeah, okay. You do that," he says with an understanding smile, "I'll see you around."

"Um, sure," Nico supplies as she walks out the door, closing it quietly behind her, and sighing exasperatedly in relief as she does.

She looks down at her phone, realizing not only the time, but her eyes widening at the hundreds of text messages and lost calls that were currently displayed. She actually had somewhere she had to be.

"Fuck!" she exclaims, before hastily running her bag for her keys, and sprinting to her car parked outside of Victor's apartment - racing it out of its parking space once she's inside.

She's pretty sure at the speed she's going she's breaking several street laws, but she can't be bothered. Gert will kill her if she's late.

She runs through the halls and up a grand staircase to a room lined in mahogany where Gert and Molly are already getting dressed. She's glad she doesn't have to see Karolina yet. Molly dons a light pink dress, similar to the one Nico's supposed to wear, much against her own personal wishes. Gert wears white.

Gert looks at herself over before her eyes meet Nico's in the mirror.

"I'm glad you made it in time for the ceremony," she says, her tone sarcastic. Gert wasn't particularly known for being warm when she's stressed.

"Sorry," Nico emptily apologizes, too caught up in her own thoughts about what the night's to bring, "I got caught up in something, but I'll go change right now. It'll only take me a couple of minutes."

Gert nods once curtly, and goes back to analyzing herself over in the mirror - the only thing giving away how nervous she actually is, is a small quiver in her eyes Nico has come to learn about after years of trying to decipher her.

Nico grabs the dress on the couch Molly is sitting on.

"Nice save."

"Shut up," she grumbles at her before stomping to the bathroom to get changed.

Nico hates weddings, and she hates parties, and she mostly hates her dress, but right now she actually feels happy. She watches as Gert dances with her husband. They've been soulmates their whole lives. Nico envies it from time to time.

On their left, her mother dances with Janet, her stepmother, the words still feeling a bit foreign to her as she hasn't fully grown used to the fact. She loves how happy Janet makes her mother, she's never seen anything like it before, but it's only fair. They do have the same soulmark after all. The only negative of their relationship was the idiot that was now waving at her from the other side of the dance floor, her step-brother and Gert's now husband, Chase Stein.

Nico only half means it when she criticizes him though, because, honestly, and she'll never admit this out loud, but she loves Chase - even though he drives her crazy most of the time.

She sees him whisper something in Gert's ear before making his way towards her at the single's table. From the corner of her eyes, she sees Gert heading elsewhere. She's too distracted to see where Gert's going, however, when she realizes what Chase is about to do. She takes back everything nice she said about him before, she truly hates him.

"Wanna dance?" he offers, his hand extended.

Nico figures she doesn't really have an option given this is his wedding after all. She takes his hand, and joins him at the center of the dance floor. Her mother beams at her when she sees her dancing with him. Her mother is not one to show emotions, but she has a soft spot in her heart for Chase. She's pretty sure it's because after losing Amy, her mother gained a new child when she married Janet. Nico can understand that, she gained a brother.

They dance for a while, before Nico feels a light tap on her shoulder.

"Can I interrupt?" A melodic, almost familiar voice asks Chase.

"Of course," he says with a smile before Nico even has a chance to protest. She's almost fully planned out Chase's murder, when the person takes her hand and spins her around, guarding her close to they're chest.

Nico looks up to see who the mystery person is, and can hardly believe her eyes once she does. Standing there, holding her hand, and swaying gently was Karolina Dean in all her glory. Her hair slicked back and wearing a silver dress, Nico doesn't think she's ever seen her look this gorgeous. She assumed Karolina wasn't going to come when she didn't see her at the ceremony.

"Hi," Karolina greets her after years in that voice that apparently still makes Nico's heart flutter. It apparently got even raspier with time. Nico doesn't know if she'll be able to survive this.

"Hey," she states in awe, "I thought you weren't coming. You know, when I didn't see you at the ceremony."

"I wasn't sure I was, but I decided I couldn't miss my two best friends' wedding for the world," she tells her before the insecurity creeps into her voice, "Is that okay?"

"It's more than okay," Nico tells her immediately before she can even process what she's agreeing to.

"Good," Karolina says smiling at her, before extending her arm to spin Nico around and back into her arms. Nico falls giggling into her embrace, and Karolina watches her with a goofy look in her eyes. Nico questions it at first, but pushes it down. Karolina isn't her soulmate.

"How's Xavin?"

Karolina's eyes sadden, "Um, we broke up," and Nico notices for the first time that the hand in hers is missing a ring.

"But I thought-"

"Yeah, me too."

The next few moments run long. Nico never thought it could happen, but she feels awkward in Karolina Dean's arms.

"Wanna get a drink?" she offers to break the tension.

"Please," Karolina accepts.

Karolina follows closely behind her as they make their way through the dancing crowd towards the bar. Nico can feel her presence behind her, but she doesn't dare turn around, determined to get more alcohol in her before she has to look at Karolina again.

In a desperate attempt to get to the level of drunk she's hoping for faster, she orders shots - tequila, nonetheless, her weakness. She orders one for Karolina too, clinking their glasses before downing the shot, and ordering a second. Having already had a couple of glasses of champagne before, it doesn't burn as much. She's considering a third when Karolina finally breaks her out of her musings.

"How have you been?" she asks loudly over the now fast paced music.

Nico turns away from the bar, taken aback by the question, "I've been okay. How about you?"

"Been better," and Nico notices for the first time that some of the glimmer that always shined in Karolina's eyes faded.

It breaks Nico's heart, and the words are slipping out before she can stop them, "Wanna go somewhere quieter to talk?"

Karolina nods, lacing their fingers together, and dragging Nico away from the tent towards the garden that surrounds the estate.

As they try to find somewhere to sit, Nico almost forgets their current situation. She just basks in the glory of holding hands with a pretty girl walking through hedge mazes peppered with flowers. Her mom had actually been the one to pick out the venue. She can say what she wanted about Tina, but she could never say her mother didn't have taste.

"Wanna sit here?" Karolina asks, gesturing to a bench. Nico agrees, and Karolina unclasps their hands to take a seat at the far right corner of the bench. As the breeze of the autumn day hits her palm, Nico misses Karolina as much as she did the day she left.

Nico takes her seat on the other end of the bench.

"It was just hard, you know? Thinking you had everything figured out, only to believe you didn't."

"Yeah, I know exactly how you feel," and Nico does. Maybe not in the way Karolina does, because Karolina is talking about Xavin and Nico is talking about Karolina.

The silence passes between them as the soft wind whistles. It's only broken when Karolina giggles to herself.

"What?"

"Nothing," Karolina responds suspiciously, a tell tale smirk that it was indeed something on her face.

"Oh, come on, Karolina, I know you. What are you giggling about?"

"Promise you won't kill me?"

"I can't make that kind of promise."

"Okay, fine," Karolina relents before laughing to herself again, "You're wearing pink."

Nico cheeks burn, "Are you serious right now?"

Karolina turns to her, bringing her legs to cross on top of the bench, facing Nico. Nico copies her movement, the heat off Karolina's leg now reaching hers.

"I mean, you have to understand that this is funny to me."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever," she dismisses.

"Oh, come on! The queen of all that is dark is out here wearing pink looking all girly and..." Karolina starts, but trails off.

"Girly and what?" Nico challenges.

A dark red tint blossoms on Karolina's cheek, "Nothing," she mumbles.

"You can't just leave me hanging like this, Karrie," her old nickname for Karolina slipping out.

"I was gonna say pretty."

"Oh," Nico is left speechless, both of their cheeks now burning. Nico doesn't want the moment to be awkward, they were doing so well. She was finally talking to Karolina like she hadn't been able to in years. She needs to find a way to fix it fast, opting for teasing the other girl, "Are you saying I'm not pretty when I'm not dressed like this. I see how it is, Karolina."

Nico regrets the joke as soon as she sees the panic rising in Karolina, "No! No! That's not what I meant, Nico. You're always pretty."

Nico feels her throat close up.

"Not that I… I mean, I..." Karolina tries, desperate to salvage the awkwardness.

"I know what you meant. Don't worry," Nico tells her, the air around them still thick.

Karolina practically jumps up from the bench, and Nico's sure she's about to come up with some excuse to get away from her as quickly as she can. Nico won't blame her if she does.

"Let's go get drunk," Karolina says instead.

"What?" Nico asks, her eyes curious to understand Karolina's reaction. When she senses her anxiety, Nico remembers why they were out in the garden to begin with, "Are you sure you don't want to talk more?"

Karolina vehemently shakes her head, "No. Come on, let's go." Karolina holds out her hand for her to take, and Nico doesn't have to be told twice. Nico wants to get drunk right now as much as she believes Karolina does.

So, their two previous shots turn into three which turn into four which turn into five - that, coupled with the glasses of champagne she already had, have Nico slurring her words. The next thing she knows is she's on the dance floor, dancing like she's never allowed anyone to see her do before, incredibly close to Karolina.

Their breaths mingle with each other as Nico tries her best to resist the magnetic pull she currently feels at the base of her stomach. Reason or logic, don't seem to be her forte right now, because all she can think about is how soft Karolina's lips are, and how shiny they look with her lip gloss on. She even lets herself wonder if they are not truly soulmates. Maybe she remembers Karolina's mark wrong. It has been a while. She shakes her hope off, knowing that Karolina could never truly be her soulmate.

But maybe just for tonight.

With that closing thought, Nico bridges the distance and places her lips firmly against Karolina's forgetting everything else they have been through.

The rest of the night is a blur, and all Nico can remember is a frenzy of undressing.

She wakes up the next morning with her head searing in pain. She blinks twice to look up and realize that she most definitely is not in her apartment. Someone's leg is draped over her middle, and her mouth feels like cotton. She needs water.

She rolls over, pushing the person's leg off her, and grabbing a random t-shirt from the ground. She pulls it on, and stands up, her legs feeling a little weak. She stretches, hearing her joints pop. When her eyes focus, they are met with an obnoxious tie dye poster next to a pride flag, and clothes thrown all over the floor. By the sheer amount of color clash and mess, this person has the same decoration style since her college years, Nico assumes.

She turns to see who the person might be, her breath catching once she does, her headache and thirst forgotten.

Karolina's lying peacefully asleep on the bed completely uncovered. Nico tries not linger on the distant familiarity of the sight of her body. She follows the curve of her body until she reaches her hip, the bird still placed steadily there, and the rose still on Nico's.

She runs out of the room, and into the kitchen to see the pictures that adorn of the cheery blonde with their friends in common, and some people Nico does not recognize. She grabs her phone when she spots it on the couch, and makes a quick call.

"Hello," a groggy voice answers on the other side of the line.

"Holy shit, Alex! I slept with-"

"Karolina. We all saw."

"What do you mean you all saw?"

"You were practically eating her face in the middle of the dance floor last night. Why are you calling me at," Alex stops talking to look at the time on the top left corner of his phone, "twelve thirty? Oh, I guess, I'm just hungover."

"Alex, I slept with Karolina," Nico informs him again, waiting for more of a shocked reaction.

"And? Why didn't you call Gert for this? My head hurts too much to help you right now, Nico."

"Gert's on her honeymoon, genius."

"Then, I don't know, call Molly."

"Molly's too young for this stuff."

Alex raises an eyebrow, "You do know Molly is a full grown adult, right?"

"That's not the point, Alex! I slept with Karolina."

"Nico, calm down, it's not like it hasn't happened before," and there it was the memory Nico had been dreading and trying to forget for almost ten years now. The reason she has to remind herself that Karolina isn't truly her soulmate every morning. She's about to yell at Alex for reminding her, when she hears a yawn behind her.

"There you are," Karolina says sweetly, walking over to the couch and lying her head on Nico's shoulder. Nico's pretty sure Karolina can hear her heart beating rapidly against her chest. Karolina only opens one eye to see Alex on camera, "Oh, hi, Alex."

"Hey, Karolina. I'm gonna let you go now. Have fun, but not too much fun," he says with a smirk plastered on his nerd face. Nico needs to remember to punch it off later.

"How'd you sleep?" She asks Nico, her head still on her shoulder, looking at Nico through her eyelashes - and if she couldn't hear Nico's heart before, she can now.

"Good."

"That's good," she says before leaning up and placing a soft kiss against Nico's lips, leaving them burning in her wake, "I'll go get dressed. You should too, and then we can go get pancakes. Nice shirt, by the way."

Nico watches her walk back to her room before looking down to see she's wearing the shirt she made Karolina when they were seventeen - just a picture of both of them plastered in the center. She wasn't one for sentimentalism, but Karolina brought it out of her. She thought the shirt was as dumb then as she does now, but Karolina seemed to love it when she gave it to her. She wonders what it was doing on her bedroom floor of her apartment.

Wait, her apartment? When did Karolina move back?

They're sitting at breakfast with a giant plate of pancakes between them. Karolina grabs the first one, and drags it onto her plate. Nico watches as she adds the raspberry compote, instead of her usual butter and maple syrup that Nico remembers. She frowns, has Karolina really changed everything about her?

She's thinking it over still before Karolina hands her the plate, licking the little bit of compote leftover on her thumb. Nico's too distracted by the action to realize she's supposed to take the plate.

"Nico?"

"Oh, yeah. Yeah. Thanks," she stutters as she grabs the plate from Karolina, hiding her burning face by stuffing it with pancakes. Karolina laughs knowingly as she grabs another pancake to prepare a plate for herself.

"So, tell me about yourself recently. I feel like we haven't seen each other in forever."

That's because they haven't.

"I don't know. You know everything there is to know, I think. I'm a graphic designer. I live in LA. How about you?"

Karolina's cheery mood sombers, her eyes now trained to her stilled fork, "Um, you know about the first part, but I also moved back to LA."

"You did?" Nico asks, surprised, "When?"

"A month ago."

"And you didn't tell me?"

"Well, I didn't think there was anything to tell."

Once again Nico is reminded: they aren't together. They barely even speak. They aren't even friends, let alone soulmates.

Nico's not even halfway done with her pancakes when she makes a move to stand up, "I'm gonna go. How much do I owe you?"

"What? No, stay," Karolina pleads.

"I don't know, Karrie, I'm not sure this was a great idea."

"Why? You're not with anyone, I'm not with anyone. What's wrong?"

"You're not my soulmate," Nico says immediately, the venom in her voice piercing through the moment for both of them. Karolina visibly flinches.

"You're still on that?" Karolina sighs exasperatedly, "It doesn't have to be anything serious, Nico. Why is everything with you either soulmates or nothing? Can't we just have a good time? I just got out of a marriage, it's not like I'm looking for the love of my life right now."

Nico represses the hurt she feels at just being a warm body for Karolina.

"Nico, I don't care if you're my soulmate or not. I've liked you for a really long time, and we're finally on similar pages. Can't we at least try it out?"

Nico considers it, because she has also liked Karolina for a really long time, and it's not like there was a friendship to ruin anymore.

"If your soulmate ever shows up, I promise I'll back off," Karolina lets her know, solidifying the plan for Nico.

"Okay," she mumbles.

"What was that?"

"Okay, I'm in."

Karolina's smile is blinding and it makes Nico's stomach flutter. The corners of her mouth turn up slightly, before she pushes it back down. She can't let herself be vulnerable again. She's letting Karolina rope her into this again. She has to learn how to say no to her.

"So," Karolina drags out, "go on a date with me tonight?"

Nico's heart beats steadily against her chest as she feels her whole body warm. She could learn to say no to Karolina later.

"Sure."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, Guys!
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this and want to see what happens next. I'm not really going to have a fixed schedule on this because my life is kind of busy but I promise I'll update whenever I can. This was originally a one-shot and grew into a bit more, so I'm posting a few chapters on it. This is a twist I've been wanting to write on the soulmate au for a while, and I hope it did it justice.
> 
> The title is from a poem by Forugh Farrokhzad.
> 
> Thank you for reading <3
> 
> twitter: downtothewire2, tumblr: downtothe-wire


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karolina and Nico try to navigate a relationship while the looming clock ticks around them.

Nico is pretty sure she would look rabid to anyone who saw her going through her closet. She tried on every single last one of her clothing items, but none of her blacks seem to match. She sighed before deciding to go with one of her staple outfits - something she knows looks good, but she laments is nothing special. Karolina deserves better.

She waits at her house more anxious than she's ever been for a first date. She wants it to go perfectly. And though Nico knows they're not destined to be together, she can't help but feel like she's been waiting for this moment her whole life.

She fidgets with her leather jacket anxiously, too nervous to sit down, and standing a bit too close to the door. So, when she knocks, Nico opens it so fast, Karolina's eyes widen in fright.

"H-hello?" Karolina stutters, extending the flowers in her hand for her - an array of different tulips.

"Uh, hi," Nico responds, taking the flower from her hand, avoiding looking at her. Karolina guides her chin so their eyes meet. She presses a soft kiss against Nico's lips that leaves her breathless.

"Hi," Karolina says more confidently now, "You look, wow."

From the way Karolina looks at her then, Nico made the right choice. She seems to appreciate the way her jeans hug her form. Nico smiles at her, proud of having made the right decision.

Karolina shakes herself out of her day dream and back to reality, "You ready?"

"Yeah, let me just..." Nico trails off to try and find an excuse to place distance between them so she can properly think, she finds the perfect one in her hand, "Let me just go put these in water. Thank you for them, by the way, I love them.”

“My pleasure.”

She practically sprints away from Karolina as she grabs a vase with old flowers from the side table next to the couch - taking a deep breath in the process, her lungs finally able to expand. She removes the old flowers, and throws them out, filling up the vase with fresh water from the sink. Karolina's presence looms behind her, her lungs deflating anxiously once more.

"You're taking so long," Karolina whines; wrapping herself around Nico's middle, and resting her chin on her shoulder.

"I was-I was just…" Nico squirms in her arms.

At Nico's hesitancy, Karolina pulls away completely, and Nico quickly spins to face her.

"Are you okay with this? Because if you aren't-"

"I am!" Nico interjects desperately, before fixing her tone, "I am, Kar, I'm just-" she sighs before adding in a quieter tone, "nervous."

"Why? It's just us."

"That's the whole problem. It's you, Karolina. I know you said you've liked me for a really long time, but I've liked you longer, and I know I'll mess this up."

"How do you know that?"

"I just know, I always mess everything up-"

Karolina interrupts, "Not that, because that's bullshit, and we'll unpack that later. How do you know you've liked me longer?"

"I-I just have."

Karolina shakes her head strongly opposed, "How could you? I've liked you since we were 7."

"You've what?" Nico asks, surprised, letting the information sink in - her thoughts betrayed by a frown on her face.

"Remember when we were little and that boy was chasing me around the playground and you stood in front of him and punched him in the mouth so hard he lost a tooth?"

"Yeah?"

"That's when I started liking you."

Nico takes a step back, and notices for the first time how gorgeous Karolina looks. Her hair framing her face in waves, wearing just a simple white dress.

She then notices, however, that Karolina is frowning. She didn't mean for it anything she said or did to come off harmful, but Karolina looks like she just got slapped. Nico's just freaking out. She never even knew she liked her before yesterday, and now she's liked her since they were seven?

"Karrie," she says her name, reaching out for her but pulling back when Karolina hesitates, "Why are you telling me all of this now?"

"I've got nothing left to lose," and Nico knew she meant Xavin, "We spent so long not trying, because of a stupid mark that no one even truly knows what it means. I just want to give this an honest shot, Nico."

Nico snaps out of her own sulking as she sees the tears forming in Karolina's blue eyes. She needs to explain herself. She steps forward and this time ignores it when Karolina flinches slightly. She rests her forehead against Karolina's, her arms wrapping around her waist, their breaths mingling.

"You're right, and I'm sorry. I’m sorry I never gave us a chance, but I'm scared, Karrie. I'm scared to lose you again."

Karolina's eyes meet hers, the tears in them still unshed, "We lost each other a long time ago, Nico, this is us trying to find our way back, can't you see that?"

Her throat closes up, and her eyes burn, Karolina's right. She really is. Nico leans in and presses her mouth forcefully against Karolina’s. She feels Karolina's tear roll down her cheek. Ten years linger on both their lips.

"Let's stay home," Karolina whispers, and Nico nods.

Nico feels they need the escape. The escape from the rest of the world and everything around them, a night that could be only theirs.

They end up on the couch watching whatever dumb movie they can find on Netflix. They talk about everything, Karolina even inviting Nico to the Dazzler concert with her, after she hears the girl has never been to one. Karolina as a dedicated fan, however, has been to several.

At one point Nico wakes up, half dazed, to find some ocean documentary she didn't put on playing on the television, and Karolina's fingers carding through her hair. She takes a moment to look at her through half-hooded eyes. She seems mesmerized by the screen in front of her, and Nico’s mesmerized by her. Karolina must feel her eyes trained on her, because she’s turning to peer softly at her, before kissing her gently.

She laces their fingers together, standing up from the couch, and dragging Nico up with her, “Come on, Sleeping Beauty, let’s give you a proper place to rest.”

“But I like your shoulder,” Nico complains, trying on her best pout.

“You can have my bed, and my shoulder, how about that?”

“Yes, please,” Nico says watching as Karolina melts at her cheesy smile, before turning. Nico wraps her arms around her middle, and rests her head on her back, letting Karolina’s feet drag her towards her room.

 

 

Nico feels the light creeping in through the window before she sees it. The warmth of it coming not only from the window, but also from Karolina’s body in her arms. Karolina lays still, her breathing even, telling Nico she’s still asleep. She tries her best not to move too much as to not wake her as she tries to make her way to the bathroom, but as soon as she frees herself, a hand traps her wrist.

“Where are you going?” A groggy Karolina questions.

“Bathroom.”

“Hm, go later,” Karolina mumbles as she pulls Nico back in to wrap herself around her again.

“Karrie,” she complains, “Come on.”

“No,” Karolina mumbles against the pillow.

“I’ll be right back, promise.”

“Fine,” Karolina agrees, relenting her grip on her wrist. Nico places a gentle kiss on her shoulder, extricating herself from the other girl who was already starting to fall back asleep.

She checks herself in the mirror before going back to the bedroom. The purple bruises that line her collarbone stand out as Nico runs her fingers over them. They are exposed by a too big on her pajama shirt. She's sad she can’t remember how they got there - given that last night they were too tired to do anything but pass out. Determined to create memories that will last, she fixes her hair, and walks back into the room.

She’s not prepared, however, for how her heart leaps out of her chest once she does. Nico decides then and there she could never get tired of the sight before her.

Karolina looks angelic as the sun frames her face, while she lies in a soft slumber. Her breathing slow and steady, her hair sprawled out on the pillow, her soft features highlighted by the morning light. Nico is having a really hard time remembering she’s not meant to be with this girl for the rest of her life.

She approaches the bed tip toeing, scared to ruin the view, but as soon as she sits on it, Karolina stirs.

“Good morning, sunshine,” she tells her, the nickname seeming appropriate in the moment. With her eyes still shut, Karolina smiles the widest genuine smile Nico has from her seen in a while. When they flutter open, her eyes sparkle in the way Nico thought had faded last time she searched for it. Her chest warms as she knows she’s the one who made them shine again.

“Morning,” Karolina responds softly in a hoarse voice that makes Nico’s stomach flutter.

Hoping the entire idea that Karolina not being her soulmate is some kind of twenty-eight year cruel nightmare that she just needs to wake up from, Nico lets herself be pulled down by her shirt, and kisses her back deeply - hoping to commit every second to memory this time.

 

 

Nico watches as her father busies himself around his bachelor apartment. He’s preparing them lunch, while Nico's at the table, already set, scrolling through her phone. She offered to help several times, but, as has been common of late, her father refused help of any kind.

A text from Karolina pops up on her phone, and Nico clicks it immediately.

 **Karolina** : How’s it going with your dad?

 **Nico** : It’s okay. I think he’s making okonomiyaki.

 **Karolina** : What’s that?

 **Nico** : What’s- that’s it, we’re breaking up. It was nice knowing you.

Nico smiles as the next text rolls in. Karolina’s next message is flooded with an absurd amount of emojis; something Nico would find annoying about anyone else, but endearing about Karolina.

 **Karolina** : YOU’RE NOT ALLOWED!!!

 **Nico** : Why not?

Nico is basically searching for reassurance, and she’s sure Karolina can see through her façade, but she can't seem to care that she does.

 **Karolina** : Because I said so.

 **Nico** : And who gave you the right to make the decisions in this relationship?

 **Karolina** : You did. Last night.

 **Nico** : Can’t seem to remember that.

 **Karolina** : Come over later, and I’ll remind you.

When she hears her father’s voice, Nico practically slams her phone face down on the table completely flustered as she’s brought out of her private world consumed by Karolina. Her father watches her with raised eyebrows as he holds two plates in hand. Nico ignores his stare, and hopes to God her phone screen didn’t crack.

“Everything okay?” Robert asks.

“Yep, couldn’t be better,” and technically Nico wasn’t lying, even if the tone of her voice was a pitch too high, they really couldn't.

He places the plates on each of their table mats, and sits across from Nico, “How’s work?”

Nico works at a fashion studio, she has for years, she’s grown to the point of being the brand’s biggest buyer, and she’s on her way to a bigger promotion. However, getting into that with her dad would only lead to him trying to convince her to come back to work at Wizard, so, she sticks to a simple, “Good.”

She won’t be stuck dealing with the war between her parents that that company has become.

A few heavy moments pass before Nico breaks the silence, “How's everything, dad?”

In moments like these, she really wishes Amy were here to endure this painful awkwardness with her. Someone to text under the table about how this is the worst, someone who would completely understand that it is. Speaking of which-

Nico checks her phone, cringing as she sees a small part of the top corner cracked.

“Everything’s good,” Robert answers, as Nico checks her phone over for more damage, “I’ve been going on dates through this dating app my friend told me about. Haven’t met my soulmate yet, but I think I’m closer. I can feel it.”

That is the last thing Nico wants to hear about. Not only because she’s mortified to talk about her father’s dating life, but because it reminds her that she hasn’t found her soulmate yet either. It makes her think of Karolina, and how she isn’t her soulmate, and how for a month now, Nico had been able to forget about that. But here it was again, the glaring reminder slapping her across the face, that Karolina wasn’t the one.

Her hand flies to her side where her soulmark rests. She wishes people would just talk about something else.

“How about you? How’s your search going?”

“No progress,” Nico responds bitterly, before returning to her plate, and not speaking for the rest of the meal. She ignores Karolina’s message when she sends her a question mark trying to reinforce her previous statement.

 

“So, how were the last two months with Karolina?” Gert asks her. They’re sitting at a table at some dingy underground bar, waiting for Chase and Karolina to return with drinks. This was their first double date, and, of course, Chase’s idea. Karolina agreed to it quickly, and Gert hesitated a bit before saying yes too, leaving Nico in a position where she had to say yes if she didn’t want to look bad.

"Shouldn't we be talking about your honeymoon?"

"There was sun, beaches, sex, whatever else. This is juicier. Tell me about Karolina. How has it been?"

She’s about to tell Gert it’s none of her business when it slips out, “Amazing.” She really is losing her touch. After that day with her father, she was scared for a moment, but as soon as she saw the light in Karolina’s eyes when they saw each other again, all of her fears melted. She can’t help it, the way she feels around Karolina is different. She feels giddy, like she could start to glow at any minute, but if she’s honest, if one of them were to glow it would probably be Karolina.

“I always told you that soulmate thing was bullshit,” Gert interrupts her thoughts, and Nico’s mood immediately sours. She was starting to forget the entire soulmate thing, but now it just makes her stomach turn. The word slithering down her throat her like rotten milk unlike Gert intends it to. Why couldn’t Karolina just be her soulmate?

Her not-soulmate, she scoffs in her mind, comes back with Chase and their drinks, handing Nico hers. She scoots down the booth to sit close to Nico, and throws her arm around her shoulder. The touch crawls up her spine, for the first time unwanted. Nico jumps away instinctively.

Karolina gives her a look that asks her ‘what's wrong?’, and Nico can’t stand the lost expression in her eyes, so, she changes her tune - swallowing her own feelings.

‘Nothing. Don’t worry about it.’ Her eyes say back, as she shakes her head. She scoots back closer to her, placing a soft kiss on her lips when they’re close enough. Karolina smiles at her unabashedly, forgetting they’re in a crowded room, as they often do together.

“I love them,” Chase declares out loud.

Nico stiffens at his comment, her cheeks flushed in embarrassment. Karolina on the other hand just looks proud, her grip on Nico’s hand tightening. The reassuring touch relaxes Nico, and she decides to not worry as much as she usually would.

She takes a large sip of her whiskey, the liquid burning its way down her throat - at this point in life, Nico has grown accustomed and even rather enjoys the first sip of alcohol.

“You’ll never guess what we’re doing next weekend,” Karolina announces, her excitement palpable, letting Nico know immediately what she’s talking about. Nico loves seeing Karolina this happy.

“What?” Gert asks, only half interested given she believes that Karolina gets excited over anything ever since she made them drive an hour to rescue a dog she brought home at sixteen.

“We're going to Dazzler!” Karolina practically screams. Nico knows Karolina’s a huge fan, because she remembers her bedroom growing up. She had posters of Dazzler before Dazzler was even the big deal that she is nowadays. Nico hasn’t told her yet, but she’s met her before, through work at a photoshoot, and has backstage tickets. She can’t wait to see Karolina’s reaction once she gives them to her. She smirks secretly to herself.

Gert’s half interested demeanor completely shifts, her eyes glowing almost as much as Chase’s. “You’re what?!” She screams, making half the bar turn towards her, her cheeks flushing.

“You're what?” She asks again in a more controlled voice.

Karolina just smiles, and vehemently nods in excitement.

“I’m so jealous,” Gert resents, slumping down on the booth.

“Maybe we should just buy tickets and go too,” Chase suggests, even though the suggestion was a bit ludicrous given they had been sold out for months.

That doesn't stop the panic from rising in Nico’s throat, however, and it comes out a lot more blunt than she intended it when she tells them, “No!”

All three of her friends look at her in shock. She didn’t mean it. Well, she sort of did. She just wants it to be her and Karolina. She doesn’t know how much time she has left before their relationship falls through. Nico is meant for someone else, and Karolina will just get back with Xavin. She has a plan, and she loves Gert and Chase, but she just wants to selfishly soak every moment with Karolina for herself.

She knows it’s not her place though, so she corrects herself, “I’m sorry. Of course you guys should come. I’m just gonna get another drink,” she tells them, downing the rest of her whiskey in one go. She notices they’re still staring as she gets up to walk to the bar.

She’s trying to get the bartender’s attention, when she feels Karolina’s expected presence towering behind her. Karolina raises her hand, and the bartender comes immediately.

“She’ll have a whiskey on the rocks, I’ll have a vodka cranberry.” The bartender nods, and leaves to prepare their drinks.

She knows Karolina is waiting patiently for her to face her, and Nico wonders if before any of her fears come true, Karolina is just going to get tired of her.

Nico turns sheepishly, “I'm sorry. I didn’t mean to overreact. I just-“

She’s surprise to see Karolina is just looking at her kindly, “Don’t worry about it.” The bartender brings their drinks over, and Karolina takes her hand, “Come on, let’s dance.”

She drags Nico to the dance floor, spinning her so her back is to Karolina, moving in tune to the music. Soon, they’re lost in the moment, devolving into just a mingling of bodies and breaths. Any worry in Nico's busy mind is quickly forgotten. Karolina leans in to whisper in her ear, “Let’s get out of here,” and Nico finds herself following her out of the bar before her common sense can even catch up.

 

 

Karolina flings a fry at her face, “Pay attention to me.”

Nico sticks out her tongue at her, putting down her phone. The waitress walks over with one milkshake with two straws in it, placing it between both girls.

“Are we really going to split the milkshake?” Karolina complains.

“Come on, it’ll be cute. You can drink most of it.”

“Fine. I just never took you for the romantic type.”

Nico hardens her expression, “I’m not.”

“Whatever you say,” Karolina says, leaning in to take a sip from the milkshake. Nico leans in too, sliding her hand slowly down the table to take some of the fries Karolina has been hoarding. Karolina has a rule that if Nico ordered salad, she is not allowed to take her fries, something about all the calories and none of the guilt.

Her quest is deterred when Karolina removes her lips from the straw to place them against hers, distracting Nico from her goal. Her eyes flutter shut, and she only hears the plate sliding farther away from her reach. Karolina pulls away from the kiss to sit back, eating fries off the now distant plate, giving Nico a sly smile.

“My fries,” she mumbles with her mouth full, trying to keep it shut.

“Give me a fry, Karrie.”

“No, you said you didn’t want any.”

She drags a fry in the ketchup dramatically and brings it slowly to her mouth, Nico tries not to get too distracted by her lips. She has a mission.

“Oh, okay,” Nico says, giving Karolina her best pout, the one she knows will get Karolina to do anything she wants.

Karolina sighs dramatically and slides the plate to the middle of the table. Nico gives her an exaggerated smile before grabbing a fry and dipping it in the milkshake.

“That’s it. I’m getting my own milkshake,” Karolina announces before calling the waitress over.

“Why?”

“You just put salt in mine,” Karolina says outraged. Nico smiles cheekily.

The waitress comes over, and Karolina orders another milkshake.

“I see how it is,” Nico says sarcastically.

“I’m glad you do,” Karolina tells her before dragging the fries back to her, making Nico dramatically gasp, which makes Karolina giggle softly.

“I thought we were closer than this, Karolina.”

“You thought wrong, Nico,” Karolina tells her with her mouth full.

The waitress brings over the new milkshake while they’re both in the middle of a stare down. Nico quickly grabs the salt shaker and pours its contents inside of Karolina’s milkshake.

“Oops,” Nico tells her, not regretful at all.

“You’re going to pay for that.”

“Am I?”

“Yep, the check is yours tonight,” Karolina says, pointedly taking a sip of the salted milkshake and trying not to make a face.

"I thought you meant a different kind of pay," Nico supplies.

"Oh, yeah, that too," Karolina answers with a smirk that is quickly wiped off her face as she sips the salted milkshake again.

They both laugh, enjoying the easy banter, and this is how Nico hopes they stay forever.

 

 

The rock music pumps through the room, vibrating the walls and floors as Dazzler sings on stage. Karolina is belting all the words to the song behind her, her arms around her waist. When the song comes to an end and Dazzler thanks the crowd, Nico decides that right now, between the show and the encore, is the perfect time to give Karolina her present.

She reaches into her purse, and turns in Karolina’s arms, “I got you something,” she says loudly over the screaming crowd.

Karolina looks at her curiously as she takes the envelope from her hand. She opens it to find two backstage tickets inside. Her eyes widen, her mouth flops comically, opening and closing like a fish.

“Are you serious?”

Nico nods, a cheesy smile spread across her face. Nico places one of the passes around her neck, and the other around Karolina's.

“I love you!” Karolina proclaims, leaning down and pressing her lips against Nico’s before she has a chance to respond. Nico feels her whole body warm, she’s never felt happier or more at peace in her whole life. She feels like she’s exactly where she’s supposed to be. She loves Karolina too.

She felt a slight shock to her side, but before the moment is done, the audience explodes around them as Dazzler walks back out on stage. Nico turns towards the stage, figuring she has the rest of the night to say it back.

Dazzler walks out wearing black jeans, combat boots, and a crop top - and there, on the side of her hip is her soulmark - a rose, like Nico’s. She barely has a moment to realize, completely in shock, before Karolina’s loosening her grip around her. Nico’s stomach falls, suddenly nauseous.

She swings around to see Karolina’s fallen face, completely broken. Nico’s screaming at herself to say something, anything, but no words form.

“I’ll leave you alone,” Karolina lets her know, walking into the crowd, and out of Nico's sight. Nico doesn’t follow her, frozen in place.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi babes, this is chapter two and i'd like to start off by saying i'm sorry for the angst kjsldfsdf. I promise I'll make it up to you after this. I hope you guys enjoy this and the progression of the story.
> 
> Tell me what you guys think of this chapter please, and the introduction of Nico's soulmate. I'd love feedback.
> 
> Thank you so much for reading, and I'm posting this early because we are in the finals of the Hulu poll lkjslkfsfd, im sorry to bring angst after that, i-
> 
> Anyway, I love you all so much.
> 
> twitter: downtothewire2, tumblr: downtothe-wire


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Having found her long awaited soul mate will Nico choose her or Karolina.

Nico stands motionless as the crowd disperses around her. Soon, she’s the last person standing, the backstage pass weighing heavy around her neck. She’s still trying to process what just happened. One minute she was ready to tell Karolina she loved her, the next she was gone, and she has a ticket to go meet her apparent soulmate.

Did Nico even believe in soulmates anymore? What was the point of soulmates if hers wasn’t Karolina?

She realizes for the first time that everyone around her is gone when a security guard attempts to usher her to leave. Before her brain catches up, she is lifting the backstage pass to show the man, and being escorted behind the stage.

“You a big fan?” The security guard asks.

“Hm?” Nico responds, too in her own head to realize what they just asked.

“Of Dazzler?” They continue, the skepticism obvious in their voice.

“My girl-“ she stops herself before she can call Karolina her girlfriend, unsure of what it meant anymore, “Yeah, big fan,” she finishes.

“We’re going to need to go through your bag again, ma’am.”

She hands them her bag without another word, too in shock to be her usual polite self.

“All good. Go ahead.”

Nico moves through dark hallways filled with roadies lugging equipment around. One man talks about some technical difficulty they experienced that Nico never noticed during the show. She asks where she can find Dazzler to some person that seems approachable, and they point towards a door with a piece of tape stuck on it that reads: ‘Alison Dazzler’ in permanent marker.

She walks up to the door, heart hammering in her chest, was this the right decision?

Nico doesn’t know, but she knocks anyway.

Some big man in a suit opens the door, and frowns at her, his demeanor intimidating without trying too hard. He looks down to inspect her pass, then steps out of the way of the door, and allows her entrance. There sitting in the corner of the room is Dazzler surrounded by people in a circle listening to her talk. She turns to see who walked in and seems to not recognize Nico at first, but then her eyes sparkle.

Nico can’t stop staring at the bit of the rose on her hip that’s exposed. It is partially hidden by her pants having ridden up from her sitting position.

“Nico Minoru? To what do I owe the pleasure? I haven’t seen you in forever,” she says, seemingly amused.

Nico can feel her tongue weighing heavy in her mouth, the words stuck in her throat. As she walks towards her without a word, Dazzler becomes confused, and Nico snaps herself out of it.

“I think-“ she hesitates before getting it out, “I think you’re my soulmate.”

“Excuse me?” Someone asks loudly, and rather rudely, from the other side of the room. Nico blinks at them and doesn’t respond, still numb from the entire situation.

“Um, guys,” Dazzler announces, “Can you give us a moment?”

They all nod their affirmative, and exit the room. They seemingly do anything Dazzler asks them to do, they’re her yes people. And then Nico’s alone. She’s in a room alone with her supposed soulmate.

“So, how can I help you?” Dazzler asks, smirking cheekily, interrupting Nico’s thoughts.

She doesn’t know how it happens, but as soon as Dazzler finishes her question, Nico erupts in sobs. Dazzler’s eyes widen in surprise and concern. She looks around for help, but she’s all alone with a sobbing Nico, a girl she met once.

“Um, hey,” Dazzler says awkwardly, “You okay?”

Nico nods through her tears trying to smile before breaking out in a sob again.

“I- um-“ Dazzler approaches her and starts awkwardly patting her back, “there, there?”

Nico throws herself at her and starts to sob on her shoulder. Dazzler looks around helplessly. After a moment Nico pulls away, embarrassed. She just sobbed on a complete stranger’s, her alleged soulmate’s shoulder.

She jumps away already apologizing profusely.

“It's okay, it’s okay! Do you want to, like, talk about it?”

“No, please, I’ve bothered you enough.”

“Hey, don’t worry about it, anything for my soulmate?” She says with a kind smile, but it runs rotten inside of Nico - her face contorting in sadness.

“Oh,” Dazzler says, realization flooding her, “That’s the problem?”

Nico nods sheepishly.

“Tell me about them.”

Nico decides she has nothing to lose. If Dazzler is her soulmate, she has nothing to lose in telling her. So, for the first time since her sister passed, Nico opens up.

 

_They were eighteen, and it had been six months since Nico discovered that Karolina was no longer the love of her life. They were trying their hardest to be friends, despite the awkwardness every time they so much as brushed against each other while walking down the school's hallway. Nico had just gotten news that she got into Caltech - the school her parents were dying for her to go to. The school she didn’t want to go to, but the one she was apparently going to anyway._

_They were all at Karolina’s house celebrating. The girl had vehemently demanded that they should have the celebration at hers, even though Nico tried insisting otherwise. Karolina stated that it was only because her parents would be out of town, but the entire connotation of the situation felt heavier to Nico. She still agreed. She could never say no to Karolina._

_“I can’t believe I get to keep going to school and college with my best friend,” Alex slurred at her, already tipsy, laying his head on Nico's shoulder._

_“Me too, buddy,” Nico patted his head, way too sober to deal with drunk people, “I'm gonna go get a drink, and I’ll be right back. Are you going to be okay?”_

_Alex nodded at her, laying his head back on the sofa, his eyes already starting to shut. She had to help him, she ruefully realized, but she could deal with that later. He seemed comfortable after all._

_She walked into the kitchen where Gert and Chase were already fiercely making out against the kitchen counter. They had been dating for a while now, but ever since finding out that their soul marks matched, the two had been even more expressive about it - much to everyone around them’s disgust. Nico loved the two. However, what she didn’t love was the sight of Chase’s tongue inside Gert’s mouth every chance they got._

_She moved around them, and towards the sink that was filled to the brim with ice, chasers, and liquor. Molly was already there filling a cup._

_“That better just be soda,” Nico reprimanded as she grabbed the whiskey to fill a cup, then haphazardly threw some ice inside._

_“How can you drink that?” Molly asked with a look of disgust._

_“It goes down well enough, and don’t change the subject.”_

_“I'm sixteen, Nico,” she complained to her as she rolled her eyes, “And, anyway, it’s for Karolina.”_

_Nico realized she hadn’t seen Karolina in a while, which was weird considering it was only the six of them. Nico had insisted it only be the six of them._

_“Where is Karolina anyway?”_

_“She’s, um, she's outside,” Molly mumbled, her demeanor changing as she seemed to hesitate to give Nico that information. Nico’s eyebrow shot up to her hairline. What was Molly hiding?_

_Nico grabbed the drink from Molly’s hand, “I’ll take that to her,” she stated._

_“Nico, I’m not sure-“ Molly tried, but Nico waved her off as she already walked away with the drink in hand. She heard Molly audibly sigh behind her, but she ignored it, more interested in figuring out what was happening with Karolina._

_She slid the glass door open, and walked towards pool chair where she could see the blonde was lounging. She was preparing an opening line in her head to break the ice when she heard Karolina sniffle. Nico stopped dead in her tracks._

_“Karolina?” She asked, softly._

_“Nico?” She heard back, the girl sniffled loudly and cleaned her eyes on her sleeve looking over the pool chair, “I thought Molly would be coming out here.”_

_Nico ignored her, and in turn only rushed to sit at the end of her pool chair, concerned._

_“What’s wrong?”_

_Karolina released a shaky laugh, almost bitter, which made Nico even more confused. Karolina was never bitter._

_“Nothing,” she told her, “Don't worry about it.”_

_“How am I not going to worry about it if you’re sitting out here alone crying?”_

_Nico reached to place a hand on Karolina’s knee, but Karolina pulled it into her arms like the touch burned. Nico felt as if Karolina were squeezing her heart. She tried to even out her breathing, scared that it would soon pop from exertion._

_“Karrie-“ she started, before she was interrupted._

_“Can we please not talk about it?” Karolina begged, her blue eyes shining with unshed tears, and that was not the reason Nico usually liked to see them sparkle._

_“Okay, yeah, sure. What do you want to talk about?”_

_Karolina shrugged before asking, “Excited for Caltech?”_

_“Oh,” Nico reacted, taken aback by the sudden uncomfortable shift in topic, “I guess.”_

_“You don’t seem excited,” Karolina tested out. She was being careful with her words, and Nico could tell._

_“Cause I’m not,” she admitted, the resentment evident in her voice._

_“Then don’t go.”_

_Karolina put it so simply, so easily, that Nico actually considered it._

_“It's not that easy,” she pushed back._

_“Why not? I know you got into FIDM and Parsons. You’ve always said that fashion was what you really wanted to do.”_

_“My parents would kill me.”_

_“No, they wouldn’t. They’d be mad sure, but you’re your own person, Nico. You don’t have to do whatever they tell you to.”_

_Nico sighed, taking in Karolina’s words, “Maybe you’re right.”_

_“You know I am,” Karolina said with a smirk._

_Nico noticed then for the first time that somewhere along the conversation their fingers had tangled with each other, Karolina currently rubbing her thumb over the top of her hand._

_Nico got the sudden urge to confess. Her eyes trained on their hands, she wanted to tell Karolina everything. Tell her that she had tried pushing her feelings away, but she couldn’t. Here they were again threatening to boil over before she could stop them. She felt a slight stitch on her side, and looked up to meet Karolina’s eyes._

_In the process of looking up, she saw a bit of Karolina’s soul mark exposed from her shirt riding up, and her stomach dropped. They weren’t soulmates, and she couldn’t ruin this, Nico reminded herself - the stitch on her side stopping._

_When her eyes finally met Karolina’s, she saw something different in them. They were almost screaming to Nico what Nico could only hope she had the courage to confess herself._

_She couldn’t be Karolina’s forever, but maybe she could be her right now._

_With the added courage of liquor flowing through her, Nico leaned in and pressed her lips against Karolina’s. When she didn’t react immediately, Nico was ready to pull back and call it off as a drunken mistake, but then Karolina’s lips started moving hungrily with hers, and she forgot everything else. Deciding that for the night they could be each other’s._

_Nico woke up with a gasp, confused with the dream she just had. The one where Karolina and her kissed. The one where Karolina and her did a lot more than just kiss. She tried to sit up quickly, but something had her trapped: an arm._

_“Fuck,” Nico whispered, as she looked sideways to see a messy head of blonde hair. The other girl groaned at her sudden jerking movement._

_“Stop moving," Karolina said sleepily through a curtain of hair._

_“I'm sorry,” Nico responded at a loss of what else to say._

_“It's okay. Just go back to sleep.”_

_But Nico couldn’t. She didn’t understand why this revelation that she was naked in bed with Karolina Dean wasn’t weighing as heavily on Karolina as it was for her. Maybe for Karolina, as Nico had convinced herself it was for her last night, it was a one time thing. Maybe Karolina never cared like Nico did, and she was just a warm body to comfort her about whatever she was crying about._

_She shook her head, ridding herself of her self deprecating thoughts. She knew those were her own insecurities. Karolina would never be so cruel._

_She looked down at the girl’s blue eye peaking through her hair and up at Nico, concerned. Nico leaned down, grabbed Karolina’s hip, and placed a gentle kiss on her lips, knowing it would be the last. She tried to convey every last bit of longing, but her lips could only tell so much without words, and Nico was at a loss for them._

_“I’m gonna go,” Nico proclaimed, running her hand over where she knew Karolina’s mark was on her hip. She wished it could be different._

_“W-why?” Karolina’s voice broke as she asked. Nico’s heart did too. Her eyes searched Nico’s for some kind of answer, almost breaking Nico out of her resolve. She stilled her courage and did her best to ignore the stinging in her own eye._

_“We both know it’s best.”_

_“No!” Karolina protested, now angry and pulling away, “You decided that for the both of us.”_

_Nico felt the anger bubbling inside of her now. Karolina really thought that this was Nico’s choice, that she wanted this. She would’ve done anything, given up anything, to make it different, but it wasn’t. She was just trying to deal with it as best as she could._

_“How did I decide anything?” She practically growled out of frustration at the other girl - who was now sitting up, her torso exposed, the bird etched on her side showing only furthering to multiply Nico’s anger. Any rational thinking was gone._

_They stared at each other challengingly, trying to assess who would be brave enough to speak next, but neither did._

_Nico only sighed desperately, and grabbed her clothing from the ground - walking out of the room and out of Karolina’s life. She could hear the other girl crying and she could feel the tears streaming down her own face, but she didn’t turn back._

_When she reached the bottom of the stairs, she was faced with Alex, who probably passed out last night on the couch and stayed there._

_Nico quickly realized she was still in a terrible state of undressed and distressed. Her torso exposed, and her make up running down her face. She saw Alex look at the soul mark on her side - something like curiosity on his face, then he took in the state of the rest of her._

_“If you tell anyone, I’ll kill you.”_

_Alex simply nodded his agreement, and never spoke a word of that moment again until years later. Later when Nico gets tangled up in this mess again, and Alex’s words remind her it wasn’t the first time, but that wouldn’t be for a long time._

_His eyes were sympathetic as he asked, “Need a ride home?”_

_Nico nodded, and let Alex guide her to his car and drive her home. The entire journey silent as Nico’s gazed out the window, too numb to do anything but think of Karolina._

_The week after that, Karolina decided she was going to New York for college, and hearing that, Nico decided to fulfill her parents wishes and go to Caltech. Eventually Karolina met Xavin, her soulmate, and got married. Nico went back to fashion after a disastrous run trying to work for her parents - Amy was always the one who was meant to take over Wizard Tech anyway._

 

Life drove them apart, until it brought them back together, and the rest is history.

 

“That’s, um…” Dazzler hesitated, “A lot.”

She nodded in agreement, her tears long dried on her cheeks, Dazzler on one end of the couch, and Nico on the other. Dazzler places a comforting hand between them, but takes it back. Her face seems to stone itself before she speaks next.

“You’re an idiot.”

Nico looks at her in shock.

“What? You are,” Dazzler shrugs.

Nico’s expression remains.

“Oh, come on. Don’t look at me like that. This girl is clearly head over heels for you, and you’re throwing that away over some stupid tattoo we get at 18?”

“Stupid tattoo? It tells you who you’re meant to be with!”

Dazzler scoffs at her, “Says who? Gibborim? The ten people who’s soulmate wedding have worked out? Probably around the same amount as non-soulmate weddings that have worked out. Come on, Nico, you’re smarter than that.”

Nico can feel her resolve crumbling, but this is everything she’s believed since her parents’ divorce, since she lost Amy. Could it all just be blasphemy?

“I'm not saying that they have no meaning. They probably do mean we’re compatible. I mean at least I’d hope so I wouldn’t mind you being my soulmate,” Dazzler suggestively adds, “But who says it’s the meaning we’ve been taught to believe they have? Who’s to say soulmates and soul marks can’t change? I’d like to believe I have a little more control over my future than that. Wouldn’t you?”

She would. She’d like to believe that she could choose Karolina. That this was her choice and not the universe’s. That she had some sort of agency over her future.

Unfortunately, that was not the world they lived in.

“I’m not sure,” is all she provides.

“Okay. So now what? We date? Live happily ever after? You forget all about this girl? Is it that easy for you to do that?”

The questions scratch at her brain. She has lived twenty eight years on this earth. That’s ten thousand two hundred and twenty days, and in none of those days has she ever forgotten Karolina. She has never not thought of her. Wondered what she was doing, if she was happy. She wants Karolina to be happy.

The image of Karolina’s face dropping as she sees Dazzler’s soul mark flashes in Nico’s mind, and she knows: she is the one preventing Karolina from being happy. It strikes her like a lightning bolt. By trying to save herself and Karolina from heart ache, she has been doing the exact opposite. She has been actively breaking her own heart for years, and in turn Karolina’s. The spark gone from Karolina’s eye isn’t anyone’s fault but her own.

She has to fix this.

“I have to go!” She proclaims, standing abruptly from the couch. Her face is smudged with make up everywhere, but behind the black streaks she’s determined.

 

Nico raps at Karolina’s door desperately, not letting up until the girl comes to the door. When Karolina opens, she has a frightened look on her face. Nico maybe should’ve thought before pounding down her door at this hour of the night.

“I-I’m sorry!” Nico apologizes, she’s not sure for what. Probably all of it.

Her first scared expression turns shocked, probably taken aback by Nico’s state. But when it drops, probably having fully realized who it is, the sadness storms behind her eyes, and Nico can’t take it anymore. She has to get it off her chest.

“I love you!” Nico screams before feeling a sharp piercing pain on her side. She groans and falls to the ground.

“Nico!” Karolina cries desperately. She immediately kneels down to help. She tries to move her, but Nico just wails in pain, grabbing at her side.

“Is that where it hurts?” Karolina asks, worry tinting her voice, her eyes lingering on Nico’s before she reaches for where it hurts.

Karolina lifts the side of her shirt, and from the corner of her eye she can see the faint glow emanating from her body, and Karolina’s look of wonder.

The ache fades slowly, and Nico regains her breath. Once she does, Karolina throws Nico's arm around her shoulder and helps her move to the couch - carefully laying her on it. She leaves the room, for reasons Nico does not know. Nico screws her eyelids, hoping it will get rid of the black stains painting her vision.

She feels a light tap on her shoulder. Karolina’s standing over her offering her a glass of water. She sits up, and drinks it parched. Once she finishes, Nico notices that Karolina rests a comforting hand on her thigh; her throat now dry for a completely different reason. The touch burning like no one’s touch has before.

“We should talk,” Karolina softly lets her know, and Nico knows she’s right. That’s the whole reason Nico came here in the first place.

Nico nods, but neither of them said a word. The silence hung heavy between them.

“I-“ they both say before Karolina nods at Nico for her to continue. Nico really wishes she wouldn’t have. She wishes Karolina would just speak and give Nico some sort of clarity that she still wants this, and not let Nico go into this blind. She guesses she doesn’t deserve that, however, this is her cross to bear.

“Um, you heard what I said before right?”

“I'm sorry?” And she knows Karolina knows what she’s actually talking about. Nico sees the girl’s cheekiness as she waits for her to repeat herself. The teasing as frustrating as it is, is also hopeful. Karolina isn’t mad.

“I love you,” Nico whispers.

She expects Karolina to say it back, but she doesn’t. She just keeps looking at Nico expectantly waiting for her to continue. When she doesn’t, Karolina sighs, “Nico, that doesn’t change anything. You still think eventually we’re gonna break. That we’re not meant to be. I’m not going to be in this if it’s not forever. I hated myself for years because I supposedly found my soulmate, the one person who was supposed to make me feel complete, but never could because I knew something was missing. And that’s your fault. I can’t go back to before."

“I’m so-“ Nico resists the urge to apologize again by taking a deep breath, "I can’t promise you forever, Karolina. I don’t even know what that means anymore.”

She steels her nerves.

“But I can promise you I’ll try,” the light returns to Karolina’s face, her hopeful eyes swimming with tears. Nico’s already crying again. She thought her tear ducts would have been dry at this point, but apparently not, "No strings attached. Consequences be damned. I don’t care about the soul mark, not anymore.”

She feels a slight sting to her side, but ignores it in favor of her speech.

“If you give me another chance, Karrie, this time, you’ll get all of me.”

Karolina leans in slowly, and Nico feels time stop. After an eternity their lips meet in one soft quick kiss. Karolina intertwines their fingers and tugs on Nico’s hand. The kiss lingers on her lips, tingling, like none she’s ever felt before.

“Come with me,” she tells her in a whisper.

Nico feels dazed as she follows Karolina, her endorphins out of control, the other girl looking almost ethereal through rose colored glasses. Nico has never felt like this before. She thought she loved Karolina before, but it was never anything like this. Like a foggy image shining in nostalgia, Nico looks at Karolina like she’s seeing her for the first time.

She’s pretty sure she’s losing her mind.

She only realizes that Karolina brought her to her room, and they’re standing in front of her full body mirror, when she feels the burning of Karolina’s touch at her side. It’s never burned like that before.

Her eyes refocus, and she sees herself in the mirror. Her eyes follow Karolina’s hands as they trace her down from her shoulder to her hips. Karolina lifts her shirt there, and Nico gasps.

There, laying simply, is a small bird - exactly like Karolina’s. It’s all too much to comprehend.

“What is it?”

“It's a bluejay.”

Nico stares at the bluejay in awe, unable to look away.

“Xavin's changed too,” Karolina breaks her from her revelry, “As we grew distant, their soul mark changed too. It no longer looked like mine.”

“Why didn’t you tell me before?” Nico breathlessly manages.

“I wasn’t sure if- I couldn’t,” Karolina’s hand releases her shirt, turning away from Nico.

“Why?”

“I couldn’t make you love me, Nico.”

“How-how come yours never changed?”

Karolina scoffs, “Because I never did. I always chose you, and I always loved you. You didn’t.”

Nico pulls gently on her shoulder, forcing Karolina to look at her, “You're impossible not to love, Karolina.”

Karolina’s eyes, bluer than sky, sea, or sapphire; meets Nico’s - the hazy feeling returning to her stomach.

“I feel like I’m in a dream right now.”

“It's how I always feel around you.”

“I love you, Karolina,” she confesses with her full voice this time.

“I love you too, Nico."

Karolina’s lips urgently meet Nico’s, and Nico’s sure she will drown in her lips, but she doesn’t care. Let her drown.

Nico grew up with a rose at her side - petals and thorns. A rose is beautiful. It grows in a bush surrounded by others, but it protects itself thorns and all from any other rose ever getting too close.

The bird is free. To be themselves, and to love who they want. And Karolina’s bird, a bluejay, mates for life.

Nico guarded her petals with thorns her entire life, never allowing herself to blossom, but she knows now, it’s not about who she’s destined to be with, it’s about who she chooses to love. Nico was finally free, wrapped up in the freedom of allowing her own heart to love after Amy. Nico finally makes a choice, and she chooses Karolina.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IT'S HERE!!!! im so relieved it is, this was weighing kind of heavy on me because i wasn't sure exactly how i wanted to finish this. The concept literally started with two lines and i kind of went blind from there.
> 
> Enough about my writing struggles though, lsjflsdfsdf, i really hope you guys like this and that it was a satisfactory ending to this story. Thank you so much for reading, i love you all so much <3
> 
> Let me know what you think, please!
> 
> twitter: downtothewire2, tumblr: downtothe-wire


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